my everyday

MAKE IT WORK.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012, 11:41 PM

I honestly think that human nature is ugly, including myself.

Two friends of mine parted a few months back, and I became the middle person trying to help put things right again. It is crazy. When a person decides to leave, I don't think any thing you do will retain him any further. I am sorry but I disagree with the actions you use to retain him. You may say that its your personal choice, but its ridiculous at least to me.

I am not saying that I have not done things wrong but I do not deserve to be labeled as the one who cause things worst. One thing for sure, I HAVE DONE WRONG BY ASSUMING THAT IT IS WISE TO ASK YOU TO WAKE UP. I, can never decide the best for you, even if you wish to use pen knife to harm yourself. But I did, and I apologize for that, if it displeases you even till today.

When I expressed my wish to be left things out of the matter, have you ever stopped sms-ing me, in an act to get more information about him? Two months later after the incident, are you denying the fact that you have sms-ed me late one night to find out what is the true cause of the break up? Was I wrong to tell the truth of all that I know?

As for your friends who talk behind my back, it is up to them. I have not done anything against my conscience. Your friends remain yours, must I try to forge a close friendship with them too? Is it wrong to contact a common friend only when needed? Can that kind of real friendship be forged so easily? Not with me.

You can choose to not believe anything, it is fine.

For once, I am moving on without you.
Many years ago, I took part in gossiping about others with you.
Then, I thought, I may always be gossiped by you one day too.

It happened, it is kharma.

Monday, January 2, 2012, 10:17 AM

Wanted to do a conclusion of year 2011 when everyone is embracing the new year. Happy new year to you if you are reading!

The past one year has its ups and downs for me, and I am sure I am not the only one experiencing this as well.

The first half of the year was painful as I see myself struggling with academic workload. I got to know two persons whom I feel indebted towards - Seth and Prof Tiago. I think without Seth, I will never have gotten my first A for my Economics module. I was always doing ok all along and I have never gotten a distinction before so I was overjoyed. Prof Tiago was such a nice person, you may never be reading this but I am grateful to you for all the help you rendered to our project.

And then things started to get better after June and I went for my first internship and got to know many new friends. That was probably the time when I kind of understand why I chose to put my signature on that dotted line a year back. Deep down, I was always trying to convince my family, my friends that this is a route worth taking. And then I would often get that few doubts here and there, which I painfully tried to defend. Whenever I am defending against these remarks, I wasn't feeling sure myself either. It is almost back to the same situation I had in my first panel interview where the Chinese Language specialist (I wanted to read Chinese n university previously) criticized me for having the guts to read Chinese (and compete against the natives) with zero advanced Chinese training at A levels. In that interview, I clearly remembered how I rebutted him with all sorts of reasons that could prove how suitable I was for reading Chinese at university. No. He was right. I couldn't even get an A for my most elementary Chinese module. So I gave up the idea and I stupidly felt that all the defending I previously made were all crap.

A large number of people also asked why I chose to major in Economics when I did not take it at A levels. Because I truly enjoyed it, although the mathematics part was painful. That has always been my answer. Of practical usefulness? Yes, somehow, people always have the illusion that Economics graduates earn more. I felt that way too when I decided to major in it. Something like, I truly enjoyed philosophy but I will choose not to major it as I am not sure where my career path lies. But that was not the full reason. The main reason still remains, I truly enjoyed it.

The next half of the year was spent in a madness mode of mugging. I do not feel comfortable in my fourth year throughout the entire semester. My thoughts would always linger to things like "How can they be so smart?" and other unimportant stuff. Deep down, I regretted my decision not to graduate at my third year. I dislike the Economics Graduate Room, which is often filled with smarty pants who are vividly discussing Economic policies even during lecture breaks.

So I had this dreadful feeling throughout the entire semester and the only comfort I had was to quickly finish my work, my readings and projects. It was a total nightmare. I lost weight (but I gained them back again this holiday hehe) and leave school past 9pm almost every other day, thanks to projects and discussions with my friends. And then I finished my final exams with a screwed up feeling and the only paper I felt comfortable was Money and Banking.

A few weeks ago, my results came. And I was shocked. I survived decently and it was more than I could ever ask for. I went out later to celebrate with Leonard, who has always been tolerating my nonsense throughout the semester. I think I have chanted over a hundred time to him that I wanted to quit honours and that I am stupid. He would always be the one supporting me when I fall.

We went on a celebratory trip to Taiwan (actually it was sneakily planned months before) and I truly enjoyed the five days there.

In this new year, I hope to be a better student, daughter, sister and girlfriend. Social life wise, I don't think I have the financial means to meet so many groups of friends for dining out at posh restaurants. I would rather save the money for a trip out of the country. I understand that there are some friends whom I may have lost as a result of this, but there is nothing I can do as well. For those who have stayed with me, I thank you for understanding.

May 2012 not be the last for us, and may all be in good health and happiness.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011, 11:37 PM

Ok just a quick update.

Year 4 has been like hell but I met really really nice profs. I suspect all of them are specially retained for teaching year 4, which really requires so many consultation hours. They are really good at teaching.

I am still trying to keep up with the rat race and basically, its a very acceptable feeling for me now knowing that I just half flunked an exam after stepping out of the hall. Chances are, okay it seems like everyone is doing terrible.

Sigh its not easy, but i will work even harder.

I want to watch all these after my final exams:
- Survivor
- Hell's Kitchen
- ANTM cycle 17 which is already airing, but I have no time to watch :(
- MasterChef

MORE MORE MORE.

Shall hang on there, 2 more months.

Monday, September 5, 2011, 12:14 AM

Just gonna repost what I have just posted at FB:

1. Selling Brand New Bejeweled Drapey Dress in Royal Violet, M size

Hi, my sister bought this at KISSJANE few months back and did not get a chance to wear, hence letting go at $44 normal mailed. Please add $2.25 for registered mail.

In royal purple, brand new with KISSJANE tag still on, embellishments in perfect condition (photo can be provided upon request), M size. :)

Pls email peishantham(at)yahoo.com.sg if keen. Thank you! :)

2. Selling Valentine's Blossom Gathered Frock

Valentine's Blossom Gathered Frock from Kristine in Pixie Green (Large Size)
Brand new in bag - $31.50 normal mailed or pick up at AMK mrt station

Email peishantham(at)yahoo.com.sg if keen :)

Sunday, August 28, 2011, 5:24 PM

Into the fourth week of school and I am already starting to lose excitement about it. Nothing to be excited anyway. Unlike my friend who has been choosing to bunk into the Economics Honors room, I decided that I am still best at the library, enduring the freezing cold all day long. In fact, just that day, my chocolate froze after being near 6 hours in the library! It was so frosty that I found it hard to break off and eat.

I am back to the goldfish analogy. Previously, you found yourself being in a tank filled with goldfishes, guppies and other fishes. Slowly over the years, the number of fishes in the tank starts getting lesser and lesser. And perhaps your owner changes the tank and puts you (a goldfish) into another tank of all goldfishes. Right, so you continued living a life of being a goldfish and realized one day that things are getting tougher and tougher.

At this juncture, you start to question why you are doing this in the first place.

I am getting rather sick of doing the same things for so many years. And I can totally understand why so many people are overjoyed when they graduate.

In the coming next 3 months, in the event that I have ignored you, you or you, I apologize first because I have seriously no time, even to eat. I am even starting to have thoughts of camping in the library overnight so that I can save time traveling.

24 MC is like hell, believe me.

Yet, life has always been this hard. You can only choose to keep it going.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011, 12:44 AM

Was looking at the photos of friends who went for an exchange. Felt so envious by just looking at the photos. I wished I went for one too!

But then again, there are so much here that I will gladly trade an exchange for. I call that sacrificial economics. You choose to trade off a better equilibrium state for what you currently have. And, I still think it's worth it; albeit I am still dying from jealousy.

Ok next, I am in my last year finally and it had been okay for last week and this. Actually, I haven had much lectures to date but I can definitely feel the heat coming. I am gonna mug it through so please be nice and wait till DEC to call me out. I can't wait for the holidays. :D

After so many semesters, I think I am still glad that I have took up economics as my major. Yes, it is hard. But I think the previous sentence extends to any discipline, and not just economics.

The thing that attracts me to economics is that you can really do see the changes and phenomenon happening around you. It is so close to your life, money is one. If I have a choice, I would love to pursue developmental economics and advanced monetary policing for graduate studies. Too bad I chose not to do up a thesis. No, not now. I am not ready yet.

Monday, August 8, 2011, 9:11 PM

Am dying looking at all these trench coats.

Somehow, going to a cold country meant a chance to get a full length trench. So love these designs!

Totally brainless, i know. But so pretty!

ABSOLUTE FAVORITES.

This is mega love, open flare at bottom portion.

Found some for u too, Leo.

Sunday, August 7, 2011, 9:10 PM

LOVE ALL YOUR SURPRISES LATELY. :DDDDDD

My heart feels like it's bubbling.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011, 10:55 PM

Today, I gave my father part of my pay.
This meant a lot to me, especially when we didnt share a good relationship for some years back.

I am glad that things have cleared up.

Though little, but I saw the smile on his face.

Sunday, July 31, 2011, 9:56 PM

With the holidays almost passing, I shall make a nice conclusion of it.

1. I really enjoyed myself, especially when I could finally spend more time with Leonard. Once school starts, dates take a backseat and studies to me become the priority. I know deep down that I am not as intelligent as I wish I could be, hence I could only try to make every minute useful; couple time will then be = mugging time with Leonard also doing his work.

2. I thought attachment would turn out to be dull and boring. But it was all fun and new friendships forged. I know that it takes time, money and effort to maintain every friendship, I will do my best.

3. Damn it, ate a lot and grew fat.

4. Ok, stop shopping please. Need to save save save!

Friday, July 29, 2011, 12:06 PM

At times, i hate the phrase "time flies".
I know, my holiday is coming to an end and soon, I have to be back to be a full time mugger with zero pay, maximum OT and endless work to clear.
I can almost already imagine myself stacking up on notebooks, endless highlighters, and chewing on lecture notes as food.

As I see my friends graduating, I felt a sudden wave of sadness.
Convocation, to me, meant a lot.
After all, I was never meant to be in a university.
If I did not work hard, I was never meant to be here.
Thus, graduating tells me that I have completed a very important phase in my life.
Of all the tears and pains suffered, I have finally managed to complete it.
Naturally, I would want to graduate with people whom I have been with.

Yet, I have made the decision to stay behind for another year.
Entailing the absence for many of my friends' commencement, due to my recent work attachment.

It had been hell, but we have all pulled through it. And for each and every one of my friends that have graduated, I am so proud of you all.

*************

With the start of school in a few days time, I am now hoping time flies.
Contrary to the above, I know.

Am still very excited about end year trip, almost felt like ripping the calendar off.

************

Had a try on attachment, and I am still certain that I have not put my signature down wrongly.
This is something I can see myself doing.
Over and over again.

Sunday, July 3, 2011, 9:33 AM

Some updates to the past week.

I really really enjoyed my attachment, and I think part of the reason is due to awesome attachment mates and the school which makes us feel so settled down and taken care of. I am aware that I could get the reverse from what I am getting now, but nevertheless, it was a great week passed. I have never been sure, honestly, of whether this is something I would see myself in doing for my entire life. But now, after trying it out, I can really do feel myself having the passion to pull it off. I enjoy seeing the students, observing classes, attending departmental meetings, preparing lesson plans, discussing projects outline, and interacting with fellow colleagues. It's a very satisfying day at work always.

I am still preparing for my Taipei trip and I wish it could come faster!

It's physically tiring to hop over to tuition after attachment, and I usually feel so sleepy by 8plus pm. But, for the pleasure I could get from a holiday trip, it's all worth it. I really do want to take a break overseas, and not the "rest-in-singapore-also-can-mah" kind of thing that my mum is always nagging me. I know that mum is very worried whenever I go overseas, but really, I do know how to immerse myself in another country's culture and I honestly enjoy being away from home for a short time.

I doubt I will be returning back to Taipei anymore after this year, so I am hoping that we can really visit all the stuff that we have not done previously, eat all the things we have not tried. I am setting my eyes on other places like HK, Europe etc and I hope to visit them next time.

Friday, June 24, 2011, 11:33 AM

*Edited*

Places you should go when you are in Taipei:

几米绘本主题站 – 南港站
If you like 几米, you should visit this Metro station. All his drawings are painted on the station's wall!

西门町 - shop, eat

淡水 - rustic charm by the sea

士林夜市 - shop, eat

师大夜市 - shop, eat

故宫 - museum (free tickets at Taiwan Tourism Office when you produce your hotel confirmation slip, while stocks last)

My favorite place for sight-seeing. A pity that more than half a day is needed to finish looking (quickly). More than a day is needed to take a good look at the exhibits.

国父记念馆 - look look see see

忠孝复兴，忠孝敦化 - shop, eat

迪化街 - shop for dried food, preserved fruits here

阳明山 - look look see see

野柳 - look look see see

五分埔 - shop, madness shopping

北投 - spring baths

龙山寺 - look look see see

中正记念堂 - look look see see

九份 - rustic charm

台北101 - spectacular view from top
Produce your student pass to enjoy international student discounted ticket price

誠品書店 - buy, read books from a wide collection
I almost died in this shop admiring all its collection. LOVE this book store that opens 24hrs. A must go if you like to read books. Gonna buy more books home again this time (I only bought one last year!).

Sorry that some photos are very bad in resolution, credits to all their owners.
Ok will continue next time. Drowsiness from medicine kicking in.
Happy weekend~

11:28 AM

Number 12: 鼎泰丰

如果你错过了鼎泰丰，你就真的没有来过台北。 Yes I know that we have this in Singapore too, but note, Taipei's 鼎泰丰 is really really good. I haven eaten such tasty egg fried rice locally. I can only find this in Taipei's 鼎泰丰. Maybe I am exaggerating, but seriously, the aroma of the rice lingers around you even before you take your first bite.

They are almost always fulled to the max and you have to queue to wait, alike what's happening locally. Don't expect the fine furnishings you see in Singapore, their focus is on serving the best xiao long baos and food to all.

Ok stay tuned, shall be back for more next time.

12:49 AM

Number 7: 胡椒餅 (Peppery biscuit)
Nice and savory, pipping hot and peppery! Best to eat this hot so as to taste the crisp of the biscuit! With chives and meat as filling.

The stall below is famous, and can be found in both Shilin Night Market and Rao He Night Market. But I personally feel that its priced steeply at 50 ND each, as compared to its counterparts. I ate it cold that time as we were too full after dinner. Not as nice as I anticipated. But since it's famous, I shall go try again next time.

Number 8: 滷味 (Braised everything)

Somehow, the savory taste of the gravy makes you keep wanting to eat more. Ignore the duck feets, you don't necessarily have to force yourself to eat them. I recommend 老天祿 in Xi Men Ding. It's so good till the taxi driver who sent us to Taoyuan Airport laments that if you have not eaten the 滷味 in this store, you are as good as having not visit Taipei. Really really delicious. I don't really enjoy duck in other versions apart from the roasted ones that we eat for Chinese New Year, but nope, this store changed my opinion.

PSST. They sell frozen packed ones that you can bring back to your country. Just hand carry them onto your plane and steam/microwave them when you feel like eating them!

My dad is a huge fan of 老天祿 and he has already placed orders of duck tongues with me hahahahahha.

Many night market stalls sell them too.

Number 9: 冰舘 (Ice Monster)

Mango Shaved Ice comes in handy on a hot summer day. Check the shop below out, it's famous for mango shaved ice but I am not sure if they are still in operation due to some issues pertaining to insufficient funds.

I ate mango shaved ice at one of the stalls located in Shilin Night Market and hmmm, it tastes exactly the same as what we can get in Singapore. The only difference perhaps lies in the freshness of the mangoes and maybe a larger and taller version.

Number 10: 阿給 (Ah Ge)

Have been wanting to try this ever since a long time ago! Wait for me okie, I will eat you up in a few months time! :D Located at 淡水 (Dan Shui) where it's also famous for its 鉄蛋 (iron eggs--small eggs that are braised for so long that they now have the super hard and chewy texture).

Don't miss out the 魚酥 (fish crisps) that are on sale there too. I am intending to bag as many bags home as I can. Hohoho.

Number 11: Convenience Store Food

There are so many convenience stores in Taipei! Within a few steps, you bump into another one. I am making sure I have a try of these convenience food next time I visit. They serve as good supper snacks :)

Remember to back as many boxes of "My Beauty Diary" facial masks home as you can. Selling at about $13-$16 per box in Singapore, they go for as low as $4 in Taipei. They can be purchased from convenience stores or those that sell toiletries.

Thursday, June 23, 2011, 10:33 PM

I am getting too excited with Taipei I think, and this has resulted in a very dear friend of mine also starting to get heart-itchy with the getaway! So to convince her further, I am going to share on the must eat food list in Taipei.

They are stated here according to my own preference, so it's definitely gonna be opinionated.

Number 1: 豪大大雞排 (XLLLLLLLL Crispy Chicken Chop)

Eh come on, it's time for Shilin Night Snacks to step aside. I am overwhelmed with the juicy taste of this chicken chop in Taipei. Located in Shilin Night Market , you can't miss its bright blue shopfront and the long queue tells you that you too, ought to start queuing out. Oh wait, have I also mentioned that it costs only a mere 50 NTD? That's roughly $2.30 in Sing dollars, in a much bigger size! This is definitely one of my must eat food item in Taipei. PSST: It's bigger than the size of your face.

Number 2: 臭豆腐 (Smelly Tofu)

Okie, this shouldnt be unfamiliar to you too. Smelly tofu, smelly on the outside, crispy and tongue-wagging on the inside. I know that there are many pasar malam stalls selling this dish in Singapore. But wait till you try the Taipei's version, I am quite sure it's more stinky than anything you have ever smelled in your life. The Taiwanese has a unique way of eating this dish. Similar to what's being served locally, they add some vinegar-marinated vegetables on top of the hot pipping tofu, and on each table, you can find a jar of chilli that you can add onto your tofu. Trust me, the chilli is lip-smacking and is usually unique for each stall. At least, I tend to think that's another way of securing your own customer base.

But note, because the tofu has been marinated for very long, one has to have a strong heart to try. I had a bad stomachache in Taipei that night after eating this, I cant be sure if it is the result of smelly tofu, but I will not dare to try this dish again despite its lip-smacking taste.

Number 3: 滷肉飯 (Braised meat rice)

I am a mega fan of this. At Ion Orchard, there is a stall called 小霸王 at Basement 4 Food Mall selling Taiwanese snacks, and I love their 滷肉飯. But in Taipei, nothing is comparable to my dearest 鬍鬚张滷肉飯. I walked past it during my trip there last year but I didnt stop to eat it :( Only when I returned to Singapore, did I realise that it was so famous. Eh come on lar, I was laughing at their icon because its awfully amusing. So, to make sure I do not come back to Singapore feeling remorseful, I have planned a trip down to this stall in Dec. :D

Number 4: 阿宗面线 (Ah Zhong Mian Xian)

If you want to eat mian xian, eat it the Taiwanese way! Packed with lots of intestines and oysters, this bowl of humble mian xian will impress you. Personally, I don't like as I am not a fan of both oysters and intestines.

This stall is famous around in Xi Men Ding, I am sure you can ask around even if you can't find it. A small bowl costs 40 NTD (it's considered big to both me and Leonard) while a big bowl costs 60 NTD if I didnt remember wrongly. Seating only by the road.

Number 5: 潤餅 (A rolled pop-piah)

Have yet to try this before as it looks very similar to what we have in Singapore, a pop-piah. But I may be wrong, I will try to see if I can eat this in Dec. Raved to be one of the nicest street snacks in night markets. Cheap, healthy and delicious.

Number 6: 生煎包 (Pan Fried Buns)

Usually, there are only 2 flavors, either all vegetables or with some meat inside. Usually priced at 10 NTD each or even cheaper(roughly 40 cents Sing dollars), you can find this in many night markets. The one in 師大路夜市 is very famous, it's called 许记生煎包. My favorite in Taipei. 5 buns for 30 NTD (roughly SGD $1.40) only!

Ok I have more to introduce, shall be back again next time!